Abhay Singh
Ryan Reynolds was 22 when his father, retired police officer James Chester Reynolds, was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease. However, the Vancouver family rarely discussed the subject. “As far as I know, he mentioned the word ‘Parkinson’s’ maybe three times, one of which was not to me. “There was a lot of denial, a lot of hiding,” says Reynolds, whose father died in 2015 at the age of 74 after living with the disease for over two decades.
“It really destabilized my relationship with him”
The two had a difficult relationship, which was made worse by the Ryan’s father’s experiences with delusions and hallucinations, two less well-known Parkinson’s disease symptoms, which started about ten years after James was diagnosed.
He said “It really destabilized my relationship with him because I didn’t really know what was happening.” Ryan has recently partnered with the educational campaign More to Parkinson’s, which offers resources to patients and caregivers.
There were various reasons why Ryan’s connection with his father was difficult.
He said “I have to preface this with the fact that my father was a man who does not share his feelings. He was a boxer, a cop, a hard-ass. I can’t even recall ever really having a proper conversation with my father. He was a present father, never missed a football game, but he just didn’t have the capacity to feel, or at least share, the full spectrum of human emotion a bit. And pride was just so ingrained in him that it dictated almost everything that he did.”
Ryan experienced greater difficulty in their relationship as a result of James’s growing delusions and hallucinations, which deepened their gap.
He added “At the time I just thought, “My dad’s losing his mind.” My father was really slipping down a rabbit hole where he was struggling to differentiate between reality and fiction. And subsequently everyone else in his life was losing the bedrock faith and trust that they had on his point of view. There would be conspiratorial webs that he would spin about “this is happening” and that “these people might be after me” or “this person is out to get me.” And just stuff that was such a wild departure from the man that I grew up with and knew.”
“I could have maybe been there with him toward the end, and I wasn’t.”
Ryan claims that he gave their dynamic greater thought in the years after his father’s passing.
“He said I’m constantly putting pieces of the story together. I wasn’t really accepting my own responsibility. It was very easy for me to dine off the idea that my father and I do not see eye to eye on anything and that an actual relationship with him is impossible. And as I’m older now, I look back at it, and I think of it more as that was my unwillingness at the time to meet him where he was. I could have maybe been there with him toward the end, and I wasn’t. He and I just drifted apart, and that’s something I’ll live with forever. But there’s nuance, and there were many moments [of connection]. I sent my dad a letter about five months before he died, which I’m very grateful I did. The letter was basically a list of every amazing thing he ever did — every time he showed up or every time he had a catch with me outside after baseball practice. Every time he just was there. And if the man couldn’t express his emotions in a way that was dynamic, well, many people can’t. The guy was born in the ’40s. It’s okay. So I’m super grateful that I sent that letter. I know for a fact it meant the world to him. So I did get that closure, but I wasn’t with him when he passed away, and I do wish I was.”
“My mom, I think, lived a life of true isolation with my dad for many, many years”
James was mostly cared for by Ryan’s mother Tammy while he battled Parkinson’s disease-related delusions and motor symptoms.
Ryan stated “My mom, I think, lived a life of true isolation with my dad for many, many years. And when somebody is not necessarily speaking from their baseline or right mental state, they can make life really tough for the only person [there]. My mom was a backboard for my father during that time, but it really broke her. Caregiver fatigue is very real — it’s one of probably the most unreported side effects of diseases like this. I wish the resources that are available now to treat that part of Parkinson’s existed, or at least we knew about it then, because it would’ve really given a lot of hope.”
When Ryan became a parent and gave his oldest child the name James, he gained greater perspective.
“The healing for me really comes more through my relationship with my own kids, while taking some of the things from my father that are of immense value. My dad had incredible integrity. He did not lie. [Now] I get to fill in those little gaps that maybe hurt me. I get to show up. When my kid is acting out or telling me I’m the worst — my dad would retreat into the power of silence, and that is not the way to acknowledge your kid. So to be able to get down on their level and just tell them that I believe them and that I’m here for them . . . I’m like, “Oh, okay. I just weirdly didn’t mean to, but I fixed something with my own dad.” He added.
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